The other-worldly stone contortions in Arches National Park (UT), the overwhelming beauty of the canyons of Utah, unbelievably blue crystaline lakes in northern New Mexico and Utah, cozy Rowland Canyon...yeah, lots of Utah. Which is fitting, as I hadn't explored much of the splendor of the motherland...and even more fitting, to experience it with my mother was nothing short of transcendent.
Our travels took us to my uncle's vacation home at Bear Lake (UT)...with access to water that rivals the Caribbean (color not temperature). Several years ago, Uncle Reed had added onto his nautically themed house: He built a lighthouse atop it. To get to it, one must scale a ladder, however sturdy, which is erected over an open and profoundly steep staircase. The kind of staircase that if you fell from the lighthouse, you'd be lucky to escape with only a TBI: traumatic brain injury (of course, I am height phobic and creative in catastrophizing. Then again, I am experienced in falling). The day we arrived, he showed me how to access it. He effortlessly ascended, as did his eldest daughter.
I felt a little self-conscious as my fear of heights engulfed me. I placed my foot on one of the ladder steps and said, "I promise I'll get up there, just not today."
The next day, as promised, I scaled the ladder. Alone. But Reed's words echoed in my head, "Just look up. On your way up, on your way down. Just. Look up."
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| My mom caught the moment as I called to her from the top... |
You'll notice that in the photo, I have a bit of a head of hair going....
That's thanks to a few WONDERFUL PEOPLE. Some strangers...mostly friends and family...who helped me exceed my fundraising goal of $25,000 on August 20...just days after my last post. I decided to keep going until September 1, 2013 to see how much we'd accrue.
I'm proud to announce that the BaldBallisticBevyn project garnered $29,237 in 6 months!
For those of you who participated THANK YOU! I appreciate all of your support...words cannot convey how much. And those of you who dedicate volunteer time or dollars on a monthly basis are the true heroes here...I'd be bald into 2014 if not for ya'll!
As I grow my hair back, I am noticing how much it was like my lighthouse experience. It was WAAAY more fun on the way up...and so easy to "look up" as I went. But now, I feel like I'm going down...which is way less fun. And it's way less intuitive to "look up" during the descent. I'll tell you though, it helps to look at what we've accomplished as I move from my G.I. Jane crew cut, morph into the Hedgehog look, and now the River Phoenix in Stand By Me...I will "look up" when my vanity vacillates wildly. As it tends to do.
But I'll also remember this:
It's damned important to take in the view from the top and be truly present in that, for the sake of being mindful and honoring the moment. But I also see the importance of drinking in what can be an all-too-fleeting moment "on top"...it makes it easier to access our small and large victories in those paralyzing moments of fear, doubt, and despair. Which can keep us from focusing on the cold, hard marble floor and potential TBI when what we really need to do is ascend.
