In View: End of the road

After calculating the monthly donations/volunteer hours for July, and a HUGE volunteer donation by the Petrovich family, I am amazed to say I am a mere $1,075 away from my goal.

I am overwhelmed by people in my life who so generously gave of their $, time, and most importantly their hearts to participate in my project. You know who you are (and so does everyone who follows my blog...your names are listed). Thank you!

I am promising to NOT start growing my hair back until the end of August...so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let's finish this project big. I'd be honored to have more folks participate...so spread the word!

Remember: donate to ANY organization close to your heart...volunteer ANYWHERE that moves you.

Thank you (from me...and from the people/animals/our environment you have so graciously given to) for all of you support!

Mad love. -bkr

Please email me with your donations/hours at DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) Com

Donations Page 3 July-August

Please report your donations to DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com

July-August Activity

Total As of 9/1/2013:      $29,237    $4,237 over goal!   

$/Hours                   Donor Name                           Organization

$20                                            Erin C.                                         Wild Oats Diaper Drive

$20                                            Teresa A.                                     Wild Oats Diaper Drive

5 hours ($100)                           Kelly G. E.                                    WHS

4 hours ($80)                              Jason H.                                       Cascade Aids Project: Pivot

$720                                           Rowland Family                           Donating meals and manual labor to local families (Salt Lake City)

$1,080                                        Slyns Family                                     Conquer Cancer (Australia)

21 hours x4 people ($1680)         Richardson Family                                      Relay for Life

38 hours ($760)                            Krystal J.                                    Humboldt RollerDerby & Sequoia Zoo

89 hours ($1,780)                         Petrovich Family                                             Camp Nemanu

$50                                               Me                                                                 ProBono Counseling

$1,720                                          Leslie and Ron M.                               Took in homeless folks & dogs                                                                                               Calculation: used $Rent/SqFt x time of hosteling

$5,120                                             Slyns Family                                                Conquer Cancer AUS.          

7 hrs ($140)                                       Shayna C.                                                 Habitat for Humanity

$350                                             Carole and Wes M.                                       Paws N Claws

$50                                               Carole M.                                                     Roadside Donations

32 hrs ($640)                                   Maidie S.                                                   Wilderness Volunteers

Naked

Last month two wonderful reporters from the Clark College newspaper The Independent interviewed me for my project. They were both under 21 years old, with an enthusiasm for writing about things that matter in the world. Their energy and passion were absolutely stunning...and reminded me of a time in which I, too, was  boldly naked with what mattered to me.

I was honored to be the focus of one of their stories. Read it here: http://clarkcollegeindependent.com/life/clark-counselor-holds-hair-hostage-for-charity/



Photo credit: Brittany Koonz, The Independent

For the interview, I put on makeup (those of you who know me, understand this as a relatively rare thing) and wore my favorite hat. Until that day, I had been wearing hats EVERYWHERE. Grocery store, dinner with friends, driving, walking the dog...I had been bald for 3 months and rarely been without a hat. On the occasions that I did, I felt absolutely naked.

The kind of naked that you felt in that recurring nightmare you probably had in your early 20s. You're late for a math test in high school. You've forgotten where the classroom is and know you're going to be late. Just after the bell, you make it into the room only to realize you've forgotten to notice you don't have pants on, so you try to fold yourself innocuously into those horrible writing desk/chair contraptions. You know: Naked.

In telling my friend Bryson about this one day over sushi, he pointed out to me that I might get more response for my project if I actually went about my business bald. When he said this, I felt a wave of embarrassment that reminded me I created this project to make a statement that catches people's attention...and more importantly that I had been hiding my purpose under (really cute!) hats.

As with most lessons in my life, the teachers kept coming. First Bryson, then a random lady on the street who shouted at me "You go girl!" as I walked Dexter without a hat, then a dude pumping gas across from me who tried to figure out if I was bald under that hat while staring THE WHOLE TIME...to Brittany and Atalie, the overwhelmingly energetic and passionate reporters at Clark College.

So, I decided to be naked. More often.

Being naked requires nothing more than a willingness to tolerate the discomfort of being seen.

Sure, there are times that I don't want to be seen. On those occasions, I check-in with myself to see if I can tolerate the anxiety. Usually, I can. If not, I put on a hat.

(Please email your hours/donation amounts to: DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com

Strange Attachments

For those of you who read the headline and thought I'd be writing about all the weird features of my hair-clippers ..sorry. (But hey, you're right. What the heck are all of these attachments for anyway??!! Our culture is WAAAY too interested in hair management. Alas, that will have to be another blog post.)

It has been nearly a week since I donated my hair to Locks of Love. And I still miss it. Not the hair on my head, mind you. Rather, the hair that had been shaved and then bundled and then tucked away until we raised the first $5k of my $25k project (and HUGE thanks to all of you who made that happen!).

A bag of disembodied hair. I couldn't let go of a bag of disembodied hair...which I had cut off for this very purpose.

I hadn't expected this. I mean...I SHAVED IT OFF. What did I think was going to happen? As it turns out, for me, the shaving it off (and keeping it off for nearly 3 months, and counting) wasn't the trial...it was mailing away a bunch of hair in a Ziplock bag that sat in a drawer of my ancient writing desk for months.

Talk about strange attachments.

Come to think of it, that particular drawer has held several strangely precious things that I didn't know what to do with at the time. Most recently it held the box of my father's ashes (which still await their final resting place) until I decided to have them in plain sight--an attempt to help the process along. Despite their relocation, I still don't know where to put them...and the longer I keep them, the more I find myself wanting to keep them.

Is this the same process as giving up my hair? Is it a slow, ossification of habit? Or, in my holding the long strands hostage...did I somehow invoke whatever the opposite of Stockholm Syndrome is?

Maybe. But it's probably more akin to my ill-timed attempts to hang onto what has already been lost.

How many times have you tried to capture a moment in a photo, only to realize that as the shutter closes, the experience you were trying to seal up and savor was gone before you even thought to pull out your camera? 

This happened to me on an excruciatingly regular basis, until I realized that if I had the urge to capture something on camera, I had best surrender to the moment. Be IN the moment. And I've gotten good at that. With the sublime, the adorable, the funny.

No so much, it turns out, with the smoldering sting after the sucker-punch of loss. Sure, back in the day I overstayed my welcome in unhealthy relationships...relationships that were O-V-E-R but I just couldn't seem to jettison myself away. Thankfully, that phase is over. But I continue to grapple with loss through death...expected/unexpected. I still remake conversations or say gorgeously choreographed goodbyes that were never uttered...but only to redo them later that week or that month.

I think my bag-o-hair represented much more loss to me than I had anticipated. As proficient as I am with navel-gazing, I'm still not sure of the totality of what it came to represent--suffice it to say, I miss it not because it covered my head (but I am missing head-cover people!!).

 Henry Ellis: "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

(Please email your hours/donation amounts to: DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com

Donations Page 2 (May-June)

“As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.” 
― Mary Anne Radmacher

Total as of 6/30/2013                           $13,201  ($11,799 left)

$/Hours                                       Donor                                    Organization

June Activity (Please email your hours/donation amounts to: DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com

15 hours/month ($300)     Bryson L.                                      Big Brothers/Sisters & Hard Times Cafe

$25                                   Amanda R.                                   Scripps

$300                                 Carolyn M.                                   Family Village (Seattle)

$30                                   Rebecca R. H.                               Union Gospel Mission Career Program

5 hours ($100)                  Jason H.                                        Cascade Aids Project

9.5 hours ($190)                Laura L.                                       Eugene Schools and Youth Programs

$120                                  Vallejo E.                                     Komen Foundation

5 hours x 5 people ($500)  Alyssa M. and her crew                Ronald McDonald House Meal Prep

$150 groceries                   Alyssa M. and her crew                Ronald McDonald House Mother's Day
        
25 hours ($500)                  Bryson L.                                     Big Brothers Program

$350                                   Carole M.                                    Paws & Claws

3 hours ($60)                      Amanda R.F.                                Hilhi Campus Cleanup Project

25.5 hours ($510)               Jason H.                                       Cascade Aids Project

$100                                  Me                                                Pro Bono Counseling

25 hours ($500)                 Bryson L.                                       Hard Times Supper (Portland)


May Activity
24 hours ($480)                   Kelly G.                                       Wilson High School

$130                                    Carole M.                                   Nutrition shakes & Dog food to homeless  
                                                                                                 
$125                                    Jean D.                                       PNW Hospice Foundation

$25                                      Rebecca R.H.                              Plumpy Nut Drive (WorldVision)

10 hrs ($200)                       Kelly G.                                      Wilson High School

$600                                    Katrina H                                    Conquer Cancer (Australia)

$200                                    Me                                              Pro Bono Counseling

$12/month                           Shayna C.                                    OPB

16hrs/mo ($320)                 Shayna C.                                    Lines for Life

Amount Forwarded from Donations Page 1= $6,658 (March-April Activity)

Biggest contribution yet!

Huge thanks to ALL of you who have donated $2,609 worth of money and volunteer hours to help me grow my locks back!

But an ENORMOUS thanks to Laura L. who contributed 52.5 hours to a Eugene Oregon Youth Program. @ $20/hour, that makes the largest donation yet to my project: $1,050.00
Large or small...I appreciate what you each are doing for the world.
Mad love.

(Please email your hours/donation amounts to: DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com

Being the change VS Collecting change

The great thing about bumper stickers: they get your attention with a pithy statement that fits on a small piece of vinyl on the back of a car (or a Trapperkeeper strapped to the back of a cruiser bicycle...my hipsters).

The bad thing about bumper stickers: The Same. When we try to squish something profound into a small space, when it is actually bigger, it might get our attention...but we lose the full gravity of the thought.

                              Example: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." 

Honestly, I love this quote attributed to Ghandi. And I think it's something he would've said...in fact he did say it, only better, in 1913:

"We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do."

"Be the change" is certainly in there...and perhaps many people wouldn't have noticed we need to start with ourselves without the appropriation and sloganizing of a great person's words. BUT: the deeper meaning (which might actually get us to practice this idea) is absent in the bite-sized-bumper-sticker version.

                                                       

This is what has happened to me since I last blogged. I realized I was trying to squish a huge thing into a tiny space. Which is funny to me, because I have always been suspicious of grand gestures (you know, trying to convey more than what a single action can hold).

Here's the gist:

Days 1-9 Bald: "This is so weird! I'm very aware of my head! People are staring and I'm cold...but it's worth it. This is going to wake people up!!!"

Day 10 Bald: "This is so weird." Frantically checking Facebook and email. "Why aren't people waking up!!!?"

Day 11-17 Bald: In quiet moments, rapid cycling between "I need to be the change." And. "Damn it! People are never going to change."

Day 18-28: Doing really easy math (this is never good): "Wow. I haven't even hit the $1000 mark. This is going to take forever."

I realized I was trying to collect change (yes...read that with double entendre) instead of being the change. 

My unconscious wish is that in one fell swoop, I could change it all. 

I think I look like the change (hello...bald lady here!) but I haven't been living it. 

I have been waiting to see what the rest of you are doing. Did I inspire you? Please inspire me! Wow. Then I got humbled. 

And with that insight, I finally broke my $1000 mark (thanks to all! And to Laura Lawver who just sent in $98 worth of donations and volunteer hours). 

It may be a really long road to getting my hair back...but if shaving my head is going to transform anyone, it's going to transform me first.

Thanks for your love, support, donations, and for reading...mad love. -bkr
(Please email your hours/donation amounts to: DrBevyn (at) Gmail (dot) com